Song

what good are words when I can’t even tell that the mind in my head has gone numb, I can’t taste the world, I can’t feel the pain, I sing while I sleep, and they come.

I can’t feel at all, or maybe too much, an overload bearing me down, I try to distract, to make a new track, but I sing a sad song, just a clown.

the words come at night, at sleep and at play, they dance and they sing through my mind, I sleep all the day so I don’t have to hear all the people who try to be kind.

they can’t understand, they can’t feel the pull, the rhythm insistent and clear, they say write it out, just put it down, and they don’t know that’s just what I fear.

what good are words when I can’t even tell that the mind in my head has gone numb, I can’t taste the world, I can’t feel the pain, I sing while I sleep, and they come.

Fear

I need to make it clear,
the deadly way I feel,
that all the while I’m here,
this world is not quite real.

The floor beneath my feet,
the walls that box me in,
the voices on the street,
the screams beneath my skin.

My eyes within the glass,
my heart within my chest,
my too abundant mass,
a long unwelcomed guest.

I strain to breach the wall,
to shatter all the lies,
but still the wall stands tall,
and the world wears its disguise.

My fight will never end,
my dawn will never come,
my signal never send,
my voice is locked, and dumb.

The words come from my mind,
and from the deepest well,
and every line is signed,
with love, to you, from hell.

A River flows

mind of diamond, sharp as sin, secrets held so deep within,
not my secrets, not my war, still I wonder what they made me for.

hunted, broken, lost and found, she knows the ways to go to ground,
she steps outside her minds embrace, to hide from the eternal chase.

she speaks as one, and sometimes two, she hears them speak, the loyal crew,
without words she sees their thoughts, the yes and no, the shouldn’ts and ought’s.

I am she, and sometimes me, and sometimes someone else beside,
my brother and my new family, they don’t know where I go to hide.
I can rove through future, past, the trappings of the worlds embrace,
and hide myself in deepest dark, in endless light and lightless Space.

they chase and hound her, hands of blue, but with her, come her family/crew,
daring both the dark and light, to keep her from their evil sight.

they chase her for the gift they gave, the torment locked so deep inside,
but safe now in the ships soft womb, she knows full well the winning side.
the captain brave, so strong and tall, her brother with his quick sure hands,
who left his life to give her hers, although he seldom understands.

the pilot with his ready laugh, who keeps the ship so straight and true,
the warrior woman, dark and tall, the lovely lady, heart of the crew,
the fixer, sweet as apple pie, the shepherd with his own dark past,
the mercenary, tough and gruff. among them, she belongs, at last.

Wings

why am I still swimming? why do I stay in this stagnant pool,
this stinking morass of blood and bone and soul?
is it because I wish it so? I who once so boldly owned the sky?
Est-ce que…it is because…I have grown old, and can no longer fly.

once were my wings of silk and satin made,
the pearly hues of heaven in their shade.
now they are torn and ripped and ragged things,
I drown in their embrace, my salt tears sting.

no longer can I do more than glimpse the sky so far above,
a bit of cloud, a hint of blue, a memory of long forgotten love.
once begotten love, long gone rotten love, love that was my all…until I found it,
until I felt the work and pain, the desperate loss, the many sharpened edges which surround it.

once were my wings of silk and satin made,
the pearly hues of heaven in their shade.
now they are torn and ripped and ragged things,
I drown in their embrace, my salt tears sting.

the sky is gone, I still swim on, despite my raddled hearts most fervent wish,
I circle the eternal drain, consuming only tasteless pain, sorrow in a cracked ceramic dish.
seasoned with guilt, served by my own hand, a VIP in a restaurant of one,
the body survives, worse, it dares to thrive, a rotting corpse beneath the poisonous sun.

once were my wings of silk and satin made,
the pearly hues of heaven in their shade.
now they are torn and ripped and ragged things,
I drown in their embrace, my salt tears sting.

will you follow me down, will you watch as I drown,
will you witness the wreckage of what once was fine?
in the depths of the well, this secret I tell…
I drown in the stinking sewer of my own mind.

Little Girl Lost

Little girl lost, I fell through a hole,
my sanity serving to pay the toll,
my name they took to serve as well,
and all that’s left is an empty shell.
They call me “girl” and stroke my hair,
they strip my soul and body bare,
they feed me lies and pretty words,
and filter past in nightmare herds,
the faces blurring in my head,
mourners for the not-quite-dead.
my casket is as soft as silk,
my skin they keep as white as milk,
they brush my hair and whisper lies,
they turn their heads, avoid my eyes,
they pose the body carefully,
the pieces that are left of me
perform throughout the endless night,
and then lie still at mornings light,
a battered doll with broken strings,
a bird with torn and shackled wings.

Found art story #1

This is number one of a series of 5 stories, poem or other, inspired by/written for a handful of pictures from Christina over at Artblablablablog.  I chose this one to go first to give Mr. Mike his something secretive and dark.  ;) 

“One pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small, and the ones that Mother gives you don’t do anything at all…go ask Alice, when she’s ten feet tall!”
“White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane

Hmmph. Well, I’m Alice…but don’t ask me! Trust me, don’t. I’m likely to tell you, and then where would you be? Lost, same as me, that’s where.

Lost in my head, far from my bed, lost in the woods of shouldn’ts and shoulds, cravings and ravings and speaking in rhyme…aren’t I having a marvelous time?

Oh, no, not you again. You just shut up, you! You got me into this in the first place, with your little whiny voice. “Oh, please! It’ll be fun! You -like- camping with your family, so this’ll be even more fun! They’re nice guys, and there’ll be other girls there too…and what if we say no, and they make fun of us? We have to go!” So we went. And here we are. In the woods, in the dark, a baggie of stolen pills in my hand.

Little pills for certain ills, of the mind that’s caught the chills, and for the mind that’s running low, and the one that wanders to-and-fro!

Heh. Wandering. Yeah. That’s what I’ve been doing all day, and all day yesterday…and likely all day tomorrow, unless they find us and kill us for stealing the pills. Find me, I mean. Not us. There is no us. THERE IS NO US! Ummm…sorry about that. Just an echo. Really. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah…trying to figure out where we are.

Take a pill! Just one little pill, you saw what it did for jack and his jill, as they fell laughing down the hill and lay them down so very still!

No! No pills. That’s why I took them in the first place! These things are dangerous! They make you see things, feel things…awful horrible things. Things with big teeth and worms for eyes that used to be a snotty cheerleader named Jill. Things that laugh and laugh and laugh until you panic and run, not realizing what you clutch in one sweaty hand.

Why do you wait? It can’t hurt! You’re sitting here in cold and dirt, and freezing as the sun goes down with no idea how far to town, or if there is a town at all or maybe you just had a fall, and you’re really lying in the dirt all bloody-broken-dashed and hurt…

I can’t! I’m…I’m afraid, alright? My brain feels fuzzy enough as it is, and all I had was a bit in a drink. I’m afraid what’ll happen if I try it…but you’re right…it is cold.
Maybe just -one- won’t hurt…

“Officials are still investigating the strange disappearance of 7 college students in the state park this weekend…so far the only clue to the mystery is an abandoned bag of aspirin.”

Void if Broken (TW: abuse)

Where are the words to reveal what I hold,
the stone that sits on my heart?
No, not on my heart, but on my entire…soul?
On my mind, on my every last part.
There are no words to scrape off the web,
the cocoon built so strong long ago,
to show you the shame, to open the box,
to think that another should know.
I cannot think past the weight of the stone,
I fight and I bite and I hate,
but all that there is is the pain and the rage,
and help is too little, too late.
Too late for the one, who so long ago,
was caught in anothers sick game,
buried beneath the muck and the grime,
till no one remembers her name.
Too many new names have hidden her now,
created from hate and despair,
facets of what was a shining bright jewel,
now fractured beyond all repair.
Squabbling all in the depths of the mind,
spiraling out from the stone,
protecting and hurting and living and dying,
ensuring we’re never alone.
Talking around it can only disclose
that a void in the middle remains,
but for all that it’s worth, I give you this sight,
though it’s tattered and covered with stains.

Alice in Underland

Alice in Underland

alice, from the depths of madness,
can you see the light of day?
can you, dearest, hear my sadness,
know the words i cannot say?

Liddell, Alice; not so little,
little alice in the middle,
alice you must run away,
and live to play another day.

dream of hatters, dream of rabbits,
duchesses with nasty habits,
playing cards with double faces,
frantic dodos running races.

lift your glasses, raise a toast,
roast meet alice, alice meet roast.
guest at the table, new-made queen,
in circumstances unforeseen.

if life is Chess, then this is Life,
chaos strewn with pain and strife,
moving her from square to square,
pretending she was never there.

see her hiding from old fears,
or drowning in her own salt tears,
or running panicked through the wood,
where names (and minds) are gone for good.

through the mirror, racing past,
a stranger in my looking glass,
am I here or am I there?
am I truly neverwhere?

running faster just to keep
in place before I fall asleep,
and fall again into that hole
that winds away inside my soul.

the jabberwock may be snuffed out,
but I’m still in here, have no doubt.
trapped within anothers dream,
but will he waken, if I SCREAM?

let me see the world you dream,
alice dearest, let me in,
let me find the light that gleams
in the soulless dark within.
alice, from the depths of madness,
can you see the light of day?
can you, dearest, hear my sadness,
know the words i cannot say?