A poetic journey through my mind

The Razors Edge (Trigger warning: Self Harm)

The numbness spreads like a second skin,
sealing pain and grief within,
beneath the skin, the fires burn,
the hammers beat and the razors turn,
but on the surface, all is ice,
and no one sees you pay the price.

The ritual makes it seem less real,
glinting light on shining steel,
carefully folded tissue, clean,
and music, just to set the scene.
The first slice, shallow, taste of pain,
release draws the blade down, again and again.

The blood wells up and trickles down,
as if it yearns to touch the ground,
to sink into the welcoming earth,
symbolic death, before rebirth.
Rebirth, release, regeneration,
pain returns; with it, sensation.

Crimson red on virgin white,
the sting of air, the metals bite,
all these and more to break the skin,
and let the world come pouring in.
Soon salt tears join the brilliant red,
a waterfall too long unshed.

And after, shame, sharp as a vice,
as those around you pay the price,
in fear, concern, and ignorance,
and once again, the merry dance.
“how could you, why would you, doesn’t it hurt?”
“you scare me, i love you, here’s a long shirt…”

The vows of “No more!” and “Never again!”,
knowing it’s all just a game of pretend,
that somewhere, tucked safely, the sweet release lurks,
it will happen again, as long as it works,
as long as it cuts through the numbness that spreads,
coating the world in blacks, greys…and reds.

14 responses

  1. Haunting

    July 15, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    • KC

      Thank you. I appreciate that.

      July 15, 2012 at 10:16 pm

  2. Sometime the ‘like’ button is truly inadequate. Moving, disturbing, powerful – not sure I like the sentiment underlying it, but a poem that does not leave you indifferent!

    July 16, 2012 at 3:23 am

    • KC

      Thank you very much. For me, that’s what poetry is about. Wanting to let people see from the other side, painful/scary/intense as it might be. It’s made from memory, so the feeling/emotion is still strong…but thankfully the compulsion is -not-.

      July 16, 2012 at 7:53 am

  3. Brilliant poem, sad sad but true.

    July 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    • KC

      It is sad…I’ve heard many reasons for SH, and it’s a different and very subjective experience for everyone. This was mine, and I appreciate all the comments/compliments because it means it did what it was supposed to; to touch and teach. *hugs*

      July 16, 2012 at 11:25 pm

  4. Extreme intensity, almost too intimate with the reader~ Very well written and pictures flow in like the knife! Thanks Friend ~ Deborah

    July 16, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    • KC

      The intimacy was very purposeful, as it’s an intensely intimate action, and I wanted people to -feel- it as well as see. That’s why the trigger warning goes up with every poem I think will be hard or painful to read, or might trigger emotional responses in someone that they are not prepared for. Thank you for reading it, and for your words, they tell me that the poem has done its job. *hugs*

      July 16, 2012 at 11:29 pm

  5. Intensely intimate, so very well written I wanted to reach out and remove the razor from your hand, give you a hug clean you up and bandage you until you were well.

    July 16, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    • KC

      *hugs* That’s pretty much what some very beloved friends of mine did, which is why I’ve not cut in over 6 yrs. now. πŸ™‚

      July 16, 2012 at 11:22 pm

      • VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU THEN WHAT A STRONG STRONG PERSON YOU ARE TO HAVE SURVIVED THAT KIND OF ILLNESS. TIS NOT AN EASY PATH TO WALK BUT SO GLAD YOU DID AND NOW WITH CLEAR HEAD SHARE YOUR GIFT WITH THE REST OF US

        July 16, 2012 at 11:43 pm

  6. That’s very well written. Thanks for that!

    July 17, 2012 at 2:28 am

    • KC

      πŸ™‚

      July 17, 2012 at 11:09 am

  7. Pingback: Treatment for Self-Harm: An FAQ on Causes and Treatments - black dog pie: a magazine on depression and bipolar

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