A poetic journey through my mind

Blue and Grey #1 (Prose, WIP segment)

I think I’m ready to start working on my book again, got my confidence up and my discipline as well..I hope.  ;p

Either way, I’m going to start posting at least one page or possible chapter twice a week, and I welcome all comments of constructive critism or praise.  😉

 

Blue and Grey, synopsis: In a post-apocalyptic/dystopian future, Blue: an unwilling young shapeshifter, and Grey: a born shapeshifter and master burglar, become less than willing partners out of mutual necessity. (I know this needs work…wish I could find the 25 word pitch I did, but I seem to have misplaced it in the junk-filled filing case that calls itself a laptop.)

 

Blue and Grey: Part One

Blue curled her lip as one paw splashed through an unidentified liquid spilling out of a drain, but kept running. The sound of the pack was all too close behind, their mingled yips and yaps echoing off the alleyway bricks and bouncing around in her already sore head like barbed wire ping-pong balls.

She took the next turn a bit too close, shaving time and a bit of fur off as she did. Almost there, she thought. Just a bit more, and I can put my head down, even if I have to do it on the floor. The thought of the cold concrete floor of the back room was soothing to her cut and scraped up paws, and she managed to pull a burst of energy from the thought and double her speed for a few moments.

It wore off quickly though,and she was back to the limping scamper that she’d kept up for blocks now, and the pack…wait…why did they sound like they were coming from in front? She listened carefully, slowing her steps, hoping against all hope that it was only an effect of the echo that made the yipping cries come from -both- directions at once. 

The supposition failed, however, when she reached the corner of the main street leading to The Mall…and heard them more clearly. Damn, they must’ve circled around. -Now- what? I can’t get home without getting caught between! Half-panicked, half-exhausted, she looked around frantically, and grinned tiredly as she noticed the ladder half a floor above her head. Yes! Saved!

Her first leap was fruitless, only managing to scrape her fur against the brick, leaving a smear of what she -hoped- was mud, but was more likely blood. Too tired to feel the pain, she positioned herself a bit more carefully, and took another leap…this time, managing to grasp the bottom rung of the ladder with the claws of one sore paw. Scrambling frantically, she pulled herself up onto the rusted metal, and lay there for a moment, prostrate with relief. 

Ok, now for the fun part…carefully she stood, stretching her lean body up toward the next rung, ignoring the calls of the pack as they raced closer from both sides. Just a bit…more…there! Got it. She made the pull-and-rest maneuver one more time, before the first of the packs outrunners, a scruffy little terrier, ran into the alley. Here, here, here!! The cat, it’s here! She sighed, and watched it as it scrabbled frantically at the brick below the ladder, mad little eyes sparkling in its filthy face and spittle spraying everywhere. Dogs…so the dignity.

6 responses

  1. Hi Kyotzeta

    I like this and as you asked for criticism and I hope you meant it just a little then and it is only to make the flow and preciseness prominent…………. Her first leap was fruitless, only managing to scrape her fur against the brick, leaving a smear of what she -hoped- was mud, but was more likely blood. Too tired to feel the pain, she positioned herself , and took another leapthis time grasping the bottom rung of the ladder with the claws of one sore paw. Scrambling frantically, she pulled herself up onto the rusted metal, and lay there for a moment, prostrate with relief. I love the idea of the dopey dogs only being able to slobber, bark and growl !! the last line also. could it be changed ? Dogsso the dignity. could maybe Dogs…… OH! the indignity I did not want to publicly say anything so sent you this. If I am out of order just tell me to shut up!! all the best willowdot21. xxxx

    February 20, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    • KC

      Heh…yes, I meant it…and thanks. *hugs* All except for the last line are good ideas, and I’ll work on them…but the last line is more a case of dialogue, and in this case, is the way the character would say it, so it has to stay. Total eye-rolling sarcasm is the overtone, if you’re not hearing it. “Dogs…sooo the dignity…” Picture old school 80’s Valley Girl, Janice of Dr.Teeths band on the Muppets, or more recently, the girls in “Clueless”. *eg*

      February 20, 2013 at 5:36 pm

      • I see I get you now!, I still feel embarrassed about interfering ! xxx

        February 20, 2013 at 6:05 pm

        • KC

          Silly! How can “doing what I asked you to do” be interpreted as “interfering”? 😉

          February 20, 2013 at 6:07 pm

  2. love it !!

    February 20, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Talk to me, people! ;)

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