A poetic journey through my mind

Blue and Grey #2 (Prose, WIP, constructive criticism appreciated)

The rest was almost laughable in its anticlimax…at least, someday she’d laugh about it. For now, she simply relished the relative ease of making the careful stretch and scrabble to the next few rungs, then slipping sinously up onto the roof to look down on the milling, furious pack below. Sighing softly, she called down toward the street, couching her voice in as casual and concise a way as she could, considering her condition. “Here, boys…it’s over. Just go home now, like nice doggies…and maybe next time we’ll find time to play.” This had the expected effect of stirring them to frenzies of scrabbling and leaping after her, and she simply shook her head and turned to head home over the rooftops. The path was clear from here, and with the pack occupied below, as safe as any she’d find on street level.

It was a very tired and dirty Blue that slipped in through the gate at the back of The Mall that morning…not that anyone there would’ve recognized her in her current condition. She padded slowly down the cool floor with its tile pattern of blue and green waves, hearing the soft stirrings of morning in the stores as she passed. Head hanging low, she slipped under the curtain and into her current home, tossing a soft smile up at the ever-smiling head of the stores mascot/angel, above. Careful to find her way to the spot that she’d prepped behind a pile of boxes in the back storeroom, she collapsed on the cool cement floor, and fell asleep licking her wounds…

The sound of The Mall opening for business woke her several hours later, and she stretched, wincing as her elbows hit the sharp edges of the boxes, and her knee came unstuck from the floor, reluctantly. Sighing, she reached for the clothes she’d left here before heading out the night before and slipped them on, taking the time to examine herself from head to toe as she did. Apart from the long scrape on her side, and the cut on her knee, and the usual wicked headache, she seemed to have once more slipped through without taking any serious injury. How long this state of grace would last was unknown and unknowable, but for now she’d settle for being grateful it existed, instead of whining about it.

Tying her hair back in a loose messy knot, she made her way down the hall and out into the main store, carefully not meeting the accusing eyes of her “boss”, and the resigned pair belonging to her best friend. They sat curled up with each other in the soft corner, Jamie with one hand on Spikes head, stroking him like a pet. Jamie obviously felt that Blue was hiding something from her, (which to be fair, she was), and when Jamie was upset, Spike felt it as well, even though he had no real clue what. Blue sighed, already seeing the loss of yet another “family” and home in her near future.

9 responses

  1. I am hooked! Brilliantly written I like the characters and the story so far has taken his interest. 😉 xx

    February 24, 2013 at 6:47 am

    • KC


      February 24, 2013 at 6:48 am

  2. Hello KC,

    If you recall, you wrote a flash fiction as a Comment to my blog post, WOLF > http://wp.me/p1YE83-QC

    I plan to incorporate that flash fiction in my Flash Fiction Gallery post next week 5th March – of course giving due copyright credit to you and linking back to your Blog.

    Hope this is okay – please confirm.

    Thank you, Eric

    February 24, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    • KC

      Sure, absolutely! *nodnod*

      February 24, 2013 at 11:07 pm

  3. a great deal of texture and dimension ~thoroughly enjoyed !

    February 25, 2013 at 10:09 pm

  4. I agree with willowdot and I Have A Voice, above. Even though I know very little about Blue, I’m still completely hooked from what I’ve seen so far: cat by night, human by day, a girl who sleeps in a storeroom (by the beneficence of her boss — who may only be letting her sleep there b/c he’s dating her best friend). Nice levels of tension and intrigue! 🙂

    February 26, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    • KC

      Thanks! One clarification, though, and I’ll check the story and make it a bit clearer there, as well. Jamie is a girl, spike is a boy, and Jamie is the “boss”.

      I tend to vacillate between assuming that everyone knows the characters as well as I do…and dumping the whole background out on the floor for everyone to trip over. Thanks for reminding me about that!. :p

      February 26, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      • NP. (I do the same thing. 😉 ) I understood that Spike was male, and Jamie was female. But I thought the boss’s eyes that were narrowed at Blue were Spike’s, and the other set were Jamie’s. I think the reason I thought that is because you said narrowed eyes — then bff’s eyes. Then you said Spike’s name — then Jamie’s. I think my assumption flowed from the order. (OR, it could be that I naturally assumed the boss was male. Maybe I’m stuck in stereotype land. 😦 )

        February 26, 2013 at 3:43 pm

        • KC

          *lol* Nah. It’s just that -I- can see them sitting there, so obviously you can too, right? *chuckles*. A friend told me once that I should look into graphic novels…that my writing was fine in dialogue, and that way all I’d have to do is describe the surroundings and character positioning well enough for the artist to draw. 😉
          Maybe he was right…anyone know an awesome illustrator that works on spec.? :p

          February 26, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Talk to me, people! ;)

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