Sorry folks, I’ve tried to warn Mia about words…they can turn and bite when you try to make them march in line. 😉
His name is duke because that’s a good name for a big dog but he’s not a real dog he only lives in my head. He used to be real, but then he wasn’t mine, and now he’s just mine and nobody elses. When he was real he was a puppy and I saw him in the store and I got to hold him and he loved me and I loved him but he costed too much money so I had to leave him and I cried. And then I heard him crying too, outside, and it was dark but I snuck out anyway and looked and looked but I couldn’t find him. The next time, I checked at the store and they said he was still there, it must have been another puppy but I knew better. So that night I heard him again, and I couldn’t find him, so I was sad and went home, and he was there! He was in my room! I ran and hugged him but my arms went right through him, so I knew he wasn’t real, but I asked him to stay with me and he slept on my pillow and in the morning he was gone again. I cried and I called the store and they said he wasn’t for sale anymore, because he was sick. He didn’t look sick when he was with me, so I waited for night and he came back and I cuddled him all night and gave him kisses and when he tried to leave again I held him and he just curled on my lap and went to sleep. And then I called the store and they said he was gone, and I tried to tell them he was with me but they didn’t understand. So now he is the puppy who lives in my head and I love him forever and ever, and he loves me. The End.
Liminal, the place between, between the seen and the unseen, the corner view, the edge of sight, the distance between wrong and right, the gap that lies between the worlds, where all the dragons sleep, tight-curled, from page to page, from left to right, in and out and day and night, all the spaces in between, where the tricksters dance unseen, in whirling steps of green and blue, and dancing, make the world anew, in colors of the brightest sheen, to decorate the place between.
So these are my new toys, made from licensed images from my all time favorite artist, Jasmine Beckett Griffith, manipulated for my personal use and enjoyment with a combo of iPhone apps…in no particular order:
Bazaart, Exacto, ColorSplash, Waterlogue, and Distressed FX.
I generally suck at “visual art” so I thought I’d check and see what y’all thought. 😊
On the bright side, he loves me,
On the bright side, he’s home,
On the bright side, I’m with him,
not here in the dark on my own.
In the light of the bright side the darkness seems endless, the patterns repeating again and again, and the glare of the bright side is searing and deadly, pinpointing where the light ends.
On the bright side, he loves me,
On the bright side, she’s gone,
On the bright side, I’m with him,
not here in the dark all alone.
On the bright side (where is it?) I’m with him (I miss you) not here in the dark all alone…
The hardest thing for anyone with -any- “invisible” disability, mental or physical, seems to me to be that no one really believes it. As long as you are doing badly, dark days, physical issues, pain…it’s fine. But just as soon as you manage to drag yourself up from the bottom, it all of a sudden becomes a commonplace. Not a struggle well rewarded, but merely “Why didn’t you do that before?”.
They hold “normal people” up to you as if they were some goal that you are supposed to aspire to. “Normal people take daily showers. Normal people are social. Normal people…” Normal people can kiss my ass. I can’t think of anything I’d less rather be than “normal”. Normal people watch politics, reality shows, commercial/cable tv…and -enjoy- it! Normal people are “too old for cartoons”, even anime. Normal people believe everything someone posts on FaceBook, even when the same picture has been used a thousand times to solicit help for so many different causes no one can even remember what the original was. Normal people watch sports…well, the guy half, anyway. Normal people don’t take medications unless they have a cold, or they’re over 50. Normal people don’t collect “toys” from their favorite series or books. Normal people don’t read speculative fiction, unless it’s romantic, and then it’s ok.
Let’s pause on that one for a second…never mind that, as the quote almost said “it’s like having an affair with a cheese sandwich”…never mind the uber-teen-angst aspect…never mind all that. Since when did the paranormal/supernatural turn into todays fantasy romance? Not dissing the goth thing. Far from it. Full-fledged Fairy Goth right here. But seriously, people? Vampires and Werewolves in love triangles with poor confused women…notice that it’s almost -never- a human -male- having to choose between the woodsy, outdoorsy, sexy-feral wolf-chick and the sophisticated, refined, sexy-dangerous vamp-chick. Hmm. Maybe I should write one. Or mix it up. Gay vampire is a thing…and lord knows that Were’s and Bears would hit it off…so a confused young queer boy who doesn’t understand why both sides are attractive to him? *giggle* No, luckily for the world of Para-Romance I have more self-respect than that. ;p Besides, according to “rule whatever-it-is” it’s bound to be already out there. >.>
Ok, Wild Tangent exercised, now back to the original rant. It’s just frustrating to be the only one telling me how well I’m doing, and having to lift myself by my own bootstraps, figuratively speaking. And it’s downright painful to have people accuse me of not being sick, now that I’m doing better. Hard enough swimming upstream without the folks around me pouring poison in the water and strengthening the current by weakening me. I know all the explanations: “They’re jealous. They’re afraid you won’t need them. They need to be needed, so they sabotage.” Bull. In my case, while the first might be barely possible, it’s accompanied by so much straight out hate and paranoia that “unintentional sabotage” isn’t an operative phrase…it’s closer to “deliberate malfeasance”. Frustrating? Try infuriating, especially since there’s not a blessed thing I can do about it, not having that sort of temperament, little say the physical, psychological or emotional -ability- for that sort of nonsense. *shrug*
So yeah. It’s almost 5 in the morning, I haven’t written a word in weeks, haven’t even opened my laptop to play games…why should I, I have my phone for that? And so my brain rots slowly away, and my “curious appetites” get…well, curiouser and curiouser, if you’ll excuse the misquote. ;p So I get on tonight, for various reasons, and start looking at craft things. >.< Doh. Sooo many new toys!!! I need all the pretties and shinies! Mia and I are in a constant tug-of-war over all the bright beads and moldable plastics and jello-molds (No, dear heart, we need to actually -use- the ones we’ve bought before we can -maybe- justify buying more…no, not even the 100 count silicone gummi bear mold with the special dropper, I’m sorry. ;p) and so on, until I’m left to wonder…how in all the special hells of Hel do “normal folks” manage to keep from going insane and running ferret-shock through the internetz screaming “Shut up and take my money!”?
Also, is insanity different from creativity, and if so, how? Discuss. ;p
This is now over 700 words long, in case anyone is interested, and since I love you all to distraction…I’m gonna go and stop distracting you. Don’t worry, though…I’ll be back with more whinging and complaining and maybe, possibly, although don’t count on it, some actual creative work. Like a poem or story or something. Not just me/us rambling. Oh, and just in case it isn’t clear or you’re just tuning in to the Kyotzeta Channel…there’s only one of me. Promise. I’m BPD (or whatever new buzz-word they’re calling it now…;p) not MPD/DD. I just happen to have unusually talkative inner voices that refuse to stay inner, and since I’m my own best company, why the Hel not?
TTYL, my internetz!
KC, Mia, et al.
Just had to share this…too much fun to keep to myself. I know I’m easily amused, it’s part of being 4 going on 44, but this was cool. *g*
Sitting in CVS (big chain drugstore) waiting for a prescription to come in, kid runs past and my first thought was “hmm…long coat?” That got my attention, and then I almost squee-ed out loud and barely managed to keep it in so as to not scare the poor kid. *laughs* Full Matt Smith Dr. Who. Well, all but the fez. Coat, bow-tie, sonic screwdriver…just perfect. Kid couldn’t’ve been older than 12. Listened to a bit of fen-talk between a random patron and the kid…”Y’know, there’s a theory that the Dr. is the Master, only from the future…No way, cause that’d mean that he came back…” They walked out of earshot, but I don’t think my grin went away until I left the store. The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth! *giggles*
(I have -no- idea where this one came from…I love the song, but I wasn’t thinking of it, wasn’t thinking of anything that would lead to this…just one that was sitting back there wherever poems come from, and decided to come out, I guess. *shrugs*)
What strange fruit is this, back in the woods,
hung in the trees by ghosts in white hoods,
fruit raised in hate, in sorrow and fear,
but draw close, my children, and a story you’ll hear.
A story of love, of pride and of strength,
a historical tale of unmeasurable length,
of warriors and tricksters and those who would wait,
to tell the tale, in the midst of the hate.
We tell the tale, to big and to small,
to rekindle the fire in the hearts of them all,
to outshine the fires of hate, and of death,
a fire that burns from the first to last breath.
So hark to the tale, and hold it inside,
the answers you seek, the tale will provide,
dream of the day when all will be free,
and no more will strange fruit hang from the tree.
Just for fun, and to procrastinate further from going through the 300 and some posts in my read-blogs page from the last few days, here are some more pics. More nifty stuff from my style, and some I took with my 6 yr. old camera and bad photography skills. I’m not sure I know how to put them up and put comments between/after, so it may be a bit confused. Bear with me. *g*
The pictures have mouse over titles that say what they are, as I couldn’t figure out how to sort them, and/or write between them.
Ok, I’m going to try to write about the pics. Here goes.
First one: “My” baby girl, Rowan, in my ears and my beloved ex’s (hereafter known as my BE) fuzzy arms.
Second pic: Taken on the fantastic Disney World trip that my BMF Ben took me on this New Years. He lives in UT., but he comes out to see me occasionally. He got us a hotel room in one of the Disney resorts, for almost 2 weeks minus travel time from Jax! I was exhausted after, but it was sooo awesome! This pic was taken during one of the parades at the Magic Kingdom, and I love it because I managed to take it just as “Alice” was sticking her tongue out at someone, and the Hatter was in the perfect pose to see all his costume.
Next…there’s a cardinal in the middle of the picture, but he’s harder to see than I had hoped. I just loved the way it looked, that little red bird in the green branches. 🙂
Next is the first flowers anyone ever gave me. The BE gave them to me randomly one day, and I almost fell over. But he was always doing sweet romantic things like that. My favorite story is how the first time I went in the mental hospital while we were living together, he packed my bag…and when I got there, I found his childhood stuffed animal, a cute little fox, packed into the bag. How many men would think of something like that?
The next few are a series, so I’m going to talk about all of them here. This is the baby girl in the first pic, at 3. She just turned 3 this yr, and I love her with all my heart. I was literally the first person other than a doctor who held her, as I got handed her fresh from her mommy’s (cut open, urrghh) stomach! Next is my Rowan with her mommy, my BFF Becky, and in her Easter hat. Next is The Bump, aka Rowans baby brother-to-be. I call him The Bump because Becks is still waffling over a name…*giggles*
Next is my over-crowded little altar, with my usual eclectic chaos. The cards in back and the figure in front of them are by my absolutely favorite artist, Jasmine Beckett=Griffith. Love love love her stuff! Faery tale, faeries, Alice, Steampunk…she makes the most wonderful things. Best of all, she’s based down in Orlando, so I can just drive down less than 2 hours away and see her when she has shows at Pop Gallery. The rest are found items, dedicated stones and crystals, and significators for my various “people”. The bunny is The Moon, as per Japanese legends of the Rabbit in the Moon. The apple is for Eris, goddess of chaos, keeper of the Holy Kao. The Coyote (he’s kinda hard to see…he’s behind the cards.) is…well, guess. 😉 The water buffalo is for my zen side.
The next is…well, a picture of a squirrel. I was parked in the parking lot and he just kept running back and forth on the fence, as if daring me to take his picture, so I did. 🙂
The next two are part of my future Walmart Harujuku outfits…my shirt that I had made at Zazzle (love love love that site!) and my new and totally awesome corset!
Hope that helps!
KC & Co.